Worried About Someone’s Addiction? How to Help

Know when it is an emergency

Call 911 if the person cannot be awakened, is breathing slowly or not at all, has blue or gray lips, is having a seizure, has severe chest pain, is extremely confused or may have overdosed. Give naloxone if opioids could be involved. Put the person on their side if they are breathing and do not leave them alone.

Do not let fear of upsetting the person delay emergency care. Good Samaritan protections vary by state, but preserving life comes first.

Look for patterns, not one clue

Changes caused by addiction can resemble stress, depression, medical illness or another problem. Focus on repeated patterns and consequences rather than trying to diagnose the person yourself.

• Marked changes in sleep, mood, energy or appearance.
• Missing work, school, bills or family commitments.
• Secrecy, unexplained absences or inconsistent stories.
• Money problems, borrowing or missing valuables.
• Using in dangerous situations or continuing despite consequences.
• Withdrawal symptoms, escalating amounts or repeated unsuccessful efforts to stop.
• Loss of interest in relationships and activities that once mattered.

Document urgent safety concerns, dates and observable events if that helps you stay clear. Avoid searching belongings or escalating conflict unless immediate safety requires action. Our signs of addiction guide covers substance and behavioral warning signs.

How to start the conversation

1. Choose a private time when the person is not intoxicated and neither of you is rushing.
2. Lead with care and describe two or three specific observations.
3. Ask an open question, then allow silence and listen.
4. Avoid arguing about labels, quantities or whether the situation is ‘bad enough.’
5. Offer one concrete action, such as calling a doctor together or driving to an appointment.
6. End the conversation if it becomes threatening and return only when it is safe.

A useful opening is: ‘I care about you. I have noticed you are missing work and drinking earlier in the day. I am worried about your health. Would you be willing to talk with a doctor if I help arrange it?’

Support without enabling

Support helps a person move toward safety and responsibility. Enabling removes consequences in ways that allow the pattern to continue. The difference is not always obvious, especially when housing, children or shared finances are involved.

Only set consequences you can safely carry out. If violence, coercive control or child safety is involved, seek specialist help before announcing a boundary. Read living with someone with addiction for a fuller safety-focused plan.

Help them connect with treatment

• Ask whether they prefer a doctor, counselor, helpline or peer meeting as a first contact.
• Offer to sit with them during a call or help write questions beforehand.
• Check insurance coverage and transportation without taking over every decision.
• Ask programs about licenses, medications, family involvement, cost and aftercare.
• Keep more than one option available because wait times and fit vary.

A structured intervention may help in some situations, but surprise confrontations can backfire. Use a qualified professional who assesses safety and avoids humiliation or coercion. See our guide to planning an addiction intervention.

Protect your own wellbeing

Living close to addiction can produce chronic vigilance, isolation, guilt and financial strain. Your health is not secondary. Individual counseling, family therapy and peer groups such as Al-Anon, Nar-Anon or SMART Recovery Family & Friends can provide perspective and practical support.

• Keep contact with trusted people instead of managing the situation alone.
• Protect money, medications, keys and important documents when necessary.
• Maintain sleep, medical appointments and activities unrelated to the crisis.
• Create a safety plan for children and other vulnerable household members.
• Decide in advance whom you will call if risk increases.

Visit our family and caregiver resources for free national support options.

If they refuse help

A refusal today is not proof that the conversation failed. Keep the door open without repeating the same argument every day. Restate your concern, the help you can offer and the boundaries that remain in place.

• Continue responding to emergencies immediately.
• Do not provide money, excuses or access that conflicts with your boundaries.
• Avoid making threats you cannot or will not carry out.
• Get support for yourself even if the other person declines care.
• Revisit the offer when circumstances change or the person expresses concern.

Recovery often involves several attempts and different forms of support. You can be compassionate without accepting unsafe behavior, and you are not responsible for controlling another adult’s choices.

Frequently asked questions